A Giant Chinese panda named Tian Tian may be pregnant, says workers at the Edinburgh Zoo. Zoo officials came to this conclusion after testing Tian Tian’s hormone and protein levels. Those results dictate that Tian Tian could birth a panda cub next month. Tian Tian was artificially inseminated in April after (SHOCKER) the zoo failed to get Tian Tian and her male partner to mate.
If Tian Tian gives birth, it will be the first panda born in Europe. Michael Livingstone, Lian Lian’s handler, is fired up about the news. He said, “"I think it'll just explode. I think there's going to be a very big buzz about it.”
I’ve mentioned my dislike of pandas in the past. Perhaps it isn’t the actual pandas I have a problem with. In fact, I feel kind of bad for pandas. Somehow, this poor species has had the will to procreate removed from them. As a fellow mammal, I feel it would be pretty lonely to live life with a panda-sized hole in my heart. A life with no love is hardly a life at all.
It’s instead everyone who reports on pandas that tick me off. “OOH! Some people at the zoo forcibly impregnated a viral female and now panda might exist for ten more years!” Panda are sad, pathetic losers of the animal kingdom. I feel like the world sees pandas as the underdog: everyone thinks that if we can just force them to consider mating long enough than surely everything will work out.
People only treat pandas this way because pandas are cute. If some Alaskan fish wasn’t down with mating, it would not be front page news every time some zoo workers got it to lay a dozen eggs. Pandas are fluffy, and that’s enough reason to make them the face of the World Wildlife Fund. When’s the last time a panda did ANYTHING to warrant not letting Darwin do what Darwin does best?
You know what? I take it all back – pandas are the worst.