Rival Accuses Champion Cow-Milker Of Juicing

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It always has to be about winning, instead of the pure love of a good, clean cow-milking contest.

No matter where you look, doping abounds. Can’t anyone just hit a baseball, ride a bike or milk a cow without juicing first? Don’t we, the cow-milking appreciative public, deserve as much?

There is a big scandal floating to the top among the world’s top cow-milkers. (If only we were making this up.) When the winner at this year’s championship hand-milking contest managed to squeeze nearly twice as much milk as anyone has ever pulled from a cow in two minutes, a Guinness World Record holder cried foul.

Maurizio Paschetta, the record-holder, accuses Gianmario Ghirardi, the 2014 hand-milking champion, of doping. It’s not clear whether he means Ghirardi or his udderly chockfull cow.

Ghirardi pulled 8.7 liters of milk from his cow in the competition. Paschetta holds the Guinness World Record for 4.5 liters from cow in 2012. After accusing Ghiradi of doping, Paschetta took his cow udders and went home, pulling out of the competition.

“For a competition at this level I would have expected strong anti-doping checks on the cows and milkers to protect the animals and guarantee transparency of the top positions,” he said.

The contest organizers strongly denied the doping allegations. The cows had no comment.

If you want to know what’s involved in frenetic two-minute milking, The Local has a video.

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