Scotland is hot in the news. They are in the process of deciding through a referendum whether to cut ties with the United Kingdom or not.
All of a sudden everyone wants to know about the country and its politics- its history, past, current and future relations with the U.K. and what effect will it have on international politics.
Well, all that is well and good, but there is one thing the world needs to know more than anything else-something the Scots can give anyone a run for their money.
They can insult the skin off your back.
They are wicked and hilarious.
They even have a bag full of insults just aiming at one’s face. Here are the choicest ones:
- A face like the back o' a bus
- A face like a stuntman's knee
- A face like a hen layin’ razors
- A face like a skittery hippen (a soiled diaper)
- A face that could make an onion cry.
Then comes the rest:
- Everyone has a right to be ugly, but she abuses the privilege
- Mair (more) chins than a Chinese phone book
- Arse like a bag of washing
- He sweats like a dog in a Chinese restaurant
- A fanny like a badly packed kebab
- Fanny like a Hippo's yawn
- She's that ugly not even a sniper would take her out
Their insults however, are not intended viciously. It’s simply the way they express themselves and have done so for centuries.
Even their proverbs are sprinkled with wicked humor
And who hasn’t heard this one:
Here are some more:
“He who marries a chicken soon gets henpecked.”
“Him that's born to be hanged will never be drowned.”
“Marriages are all happy--it's having breakfast together that causes most of the trouble.”
And oh boy do they have insults for the Englishmen:
- I know why the sun never sets on the British Empire, God would never trust an Englishman in the dark.
- The Englishman is never content but when he is grumbling.
- Lang beards heartless, painted hoods witless, gay coats graceless, mak' England thriftless.
One thing’s for sure, filled with pride and obstinate as a mule as they may be, the Scots are a lively tongued, spicy witted lot.