5 Things Edward Snowden Should Do Now That He Is Going To Live In Russia

by
Fatimah Mazhar
National Security Agency leaker Edward Snowden has (finally!) been granted asylum for one year in Russia. Looks like the poor guy/traitor/whistleblower/hero/fugitive can now leave the Moscow airport where he had been living like Tom Hanks from The Terminal for the past few weeks.

5 Things Edward Snowden Should Do In Russia

National Security Agency leaker Edward Snowden has (finally!) been granted asylum for one year in Russia. Looks like the poor guy/traitor/whistleblower/hero/fugitive can now leave the Moscow airport where he had been living like Tom Hanks from The Terminal for the past few weeks.

There has been a lot of talk over Snowden regarding what he did, where he used to work, his girlfriend, where he fled, his videos etc. etc. Now time has come to talk about something else.

Since the ex-CIA agent is going to be in Russia for a while now, he might as well just try to adjust to the country which is completely different from his own. But it’s not that difficult. All Snowden should do is read the following guidelines that have been specially prepared for him to make his stay easier (and safer) in Russia.

1-      Improve His Driving Skills and Install a Dashboard Camera In His Car:

Driving is not an easy task in Russia. Here’s why:

Snowden really must learn how to avoid such ‘awkward’ drivers on/above the road.

Also, Russians love dashboard cameras and uploading weird footage they capture on those devices on the internet. Maybe because a normal day on the road in Russia isn’t quite normal at all:

WATCH: Jon Stewart On Russian Meteor Explosion: Jaded Russians Unimpressed By A 10-Ton Death Rock Hurtling Towards The City (video)

2-      Avoid Pro-LGBT Comments/Remarks/Relationships:

Russia's lower house passed a law earlier in June this year banning gay "propaganda.” As we previously reported, one could be charged with as much as holding a hand of a same sex person, wearing a multicolored shirt or even displaying a rainbow flag alongside a maple leaf!

In fact, things have turned crazier in the country because people in Russia are now beating up gays and making videos of their ordeal. Since Snowden comes from a country where people are generally comfortable with homosexuality, he might as well just try to be careful since he has chosen Russia for his political asylum.

READ: Why Do Russians Hate Gays?

3-      Keep Vladimir Putin Happy:

Russian President Vladimir Putin is a very “very” difficult person. There are not a lot of things that make him happy. But buying him a dog would definitely work:

Or maybe a dance:

Also Read: Vladimir Putin Makes Hilarious Face, Gives Thumbs Up To Topless Protesters

4-      Get A Job:

American fugitive Edward Snowden has been offered a job by Russia's top social networking site, VKontakte. One of the founders posted the following statement on their official VKontakte page:

We invite Edward Snowden to Petersburg and will be happy if he decides to join the star team of programmers at VKontakte.”

What could be better? For a person who likes to leak classified information, a Facebook-like “Russian” website would be an awesome job!

5-      Get Married:

The best thing Snowden probably can do prolong his stay in Russia is to tie the knot. He even has a proposal! Remember when ex-Russian spy Anna Chapman expressed her wish to marry National Security Agency whistleblower Edward Snowden on Twitter? It would be the most ideal match. Don’t you think?

So these were some advices for Edward Snowden to ‘survive’ his stay in Russia. Let’s see how long it lasts. Just saying.

Related: Which Tom Hanks Movie Will Edward Snowden Reenact Next?

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