Cheese, Hair And Handbags - We Miss Kim Jong-Un

by
Suzanne Robertson
Sources say Kim Jong-Un may be out, sister in. Look at that smile! We're gonna miss you wacky dictator! Maybe...

Tubby North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has vanished! The publicity monger has been strangely absent, not seen in public in over a month.

Rumors are flying that Kim is sick with gout, diabetes and shattered ankles (obesity related perhaps?). A group of defectors say they believe Kim's younger sister, Kim Yo Jong, may be running the country now. 

Let's hope Kim Yo isn't more of the same. If she is gunning for the top spot, here are some things we're going to miss about her crazy brother. 

His Glorious Hair

What more can be said about that sweet, sweet fade? Kim Jong Un's hair is uniquely his. He rocks it and even the most handsome of men can't pull it off. Give it a try Clooney - you're married now so you're officially off the market! 

His Belief That He Can Control The Weather 

Kim Jong Un just hates it when he gets wet oppressing his people. Yup, he's mad at the weather

Kim Jong gave "field guidance" to forecasters who were forced to stand as Kim lectured them on their jobs.

His Expen$ive Taste

People living in poverty? Not a prob as long as Kim's wife has her luxury handbag. Ri Sol-Ju was photographed holding what appeared to be a pricey Dior handbag, worth over$1,500 — an average year's salary in North Korea.

It's said that Kim Jong-un likes to party all night (like father like son!).  Reports from officials say that he recently ordered expensive imported sauna equipment to help him beat hangovers and fatigue.  

Swiss Cheese Obsession

Sources say that the dictator is hooked on Emmental, an expensive Swiss Cheese.  The 31-year-old fell in love with the cheese when he was a student in Switzerland and now imports it. 

While millions of his citizens starve, Kim is chowing down and has the bod to prove it. 

His Undeniable Sex Appeal 

It's true because it was in The Onion.

 

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