Chris Dorner, Fugitive Killer's Diary Reveals Angry, Vengeful Man

Chris Dorner, currently being pursued by police in San Bernadino County in connection to multiple murders, has an unconfirmed personal memo that reveals a dark and angry man.

A journal published by the blog boywithgrenade (owned by Shawn Nee, with no known affiliation with Chris Dorner) published a strange, dark journal from Christopher Dorner, the man accused of killing multiple people in the L.A. area and, at the time of writing, currently engaged in a gun battle in the Big Bear area in San Bernadino County.

The journal, if valid (and given the level of specificity, it would be quite strange if it wasn't) paints a picture of a man hardened by racism, and who see violence as the best solution to the wrongs visited on him by the world.

From his opening paragraph, Chris Dorner sounds noble:

I know most of you who personally know me are in disbelief to hear from media reports that I am suspected of committing such horrendous murders and have taken drastic and shocking actions in the last couple of days. You are saying to yourself that this is completely out of character of the man you knew who always wore a smile wherever he was seen. I know I will be villified by the LAPD and the media. Unfortunately, this is a necessary evil that I do not enjoy but must partake and complete for substantial change to occur within the LAPD and reclaim my name. The department has not changed since the Rampart and Rodney King days. It has gotten worse. The consent decree should never have been lifted. The only thing that has evolved from the consent decree is those officers involved in the Rampart scandal and Rodney King incidents have since promoted to supervisor, commanders, and command staff, and executive positions.

As the lengthy post goes on, it describes Dorner as a victim of racism, and someone who only worked to correct the wrongs of others. He describes reporting other officers for violence, and then seeing them get preferential treatment while he was kept down. His story is quite plausible, but as Dorner writes more, it becomes clear that no matter what he does, he always sees himself as the victim. Please be advised that the language here gets very sensitive.

While traveling back to the station in a 12 passenger van I heard Magana refer to another individual as a nigger. I wasn’t sure if I heard correctly as there were many conversations in the van that was compiled of at least 8 officers and he was sitting in the very rear and me in the very front. Even with the multiple conversations and ambient noise I heard Officer Magana call an indivdual a nigger again. Now that I had confirmed it, I told Magana not to use that word again. I explained that it was a well known offensive word that should not be used by anyone. He replied, “I’ll say it when I want”. Officer Burdios, a friend of his, also stated that he would say nigger when he wanted. At that point I jumped over my front passenger seat and two other officers where I placed my hands around Burdios’ neck and squeezed. I stated to Burdios, “Don’t fucking say that”. At that point there was pushing and shoving and we were separated by several other officers. What I should have done, was put a Winchester Ranger SXT 9mm 147 grain bullet in his skull and Officer Magana’s skull. The Situation would have been resolved effective, immediately.

The creepy thing is how simply and smoothely he comes to the conclusion in the last two sentences. Another officer used the n-word, was defiant about it, Dorner threatened him--pause the camera there, and Dorner is angry but not unjustified. He has my sympathies more than Officer Magana. The last two sentences are what separate Chris Dorner from the rest of us: I should have shot him.

We see a similar pattern in a childhood memory offered by Dorner. In fact, it's a nearly parallel story with the main difference being that in this case, Dorner does act on his feelings:

My first recollection of racism was in the first grade at Norwalk Christian elementary school in Norwalk, CA. A fellow student, Jim Armstrong if I can recall, called me a nigger on the playground. My response was swift and non-lethal. I struck him fast and hard with a punch an kick. He cried and reported it to a teacher. The teacher reported it to the principal. The principal swatted Jim for using a derogatory word toward me. He then for some unknown reason swatted me for striking Jim in response to him calling me a nigger.

Two things stand out, and neither of them are the facts of the story, which are sad, but common enough. It's Dorner's mindset. He specifies his attack as a first-grader--six or seven years old, most likely--as "non-lethal." As if that is something we would generally wonder about a first-grader hitting a classmate. Then, his apparent confusion for being reprimanded for what he did. It is this that seems truly formative for Dorner. The racism was bad, but the authority, in this case the teacher, later the LAPD, not allowing him to react to racism seems to be what destroyed Chris Dorner's faith in our society.

There is a lot more there, but I'll leave it at that for now. Chris Dorner is clearly a disturbed man who needs to be captured and contained before he kills more people. So much of what he says and feels, however, speak to the ills of our society. Dorner is both symptom and illness.

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