Last week, America watched in disbelief as a journalist, a female, man-eating journalist no less, stood up in defiance of our deeply entrenched, highly sacred patriarchal culture, and in a show of her limited female caliber, proceeded to attack the human manifestation of the Confederate flag, the symbol of a capitalist America, Donald Trump.
Megyn Kelly, the journalist, asked Trump about the string of sexist comments he has made, calling women he doesn't like 'fat pigs', 'slobs' and 'disgusting animals'.
Trump obviously corrected her that it wasn't him being a mean, bigoted misogynist, but just honest.
Re Megyn Kelly quote: "you could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever" (NOSE). Just got on w/thought— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 8, 2015
After the debate however, Mr. Trump took to Twitter to eloquently explain what had happened to Megyn Kelly; her delicate female mind had become a victim of whatever disgusting hormonal cycle women have every month.
However, women all over the country, with 'blood coming out their...whatever' weren't satisfied. Blinded by their desire to plunder whatever vague conservative values that keep America intact, these women tried to misconstrue Trump as a body-shaming chauvinist.
But now, Mr. Trump has had enough.
In an interview with Maureen Dowd, a female journalist (Trump haters, take note), Donald Trump made clear that he thinks women are like, totally, completely amazing.
He also declared that he has many women executives and they are paid 'at least as much' as men, thereby destroying the very notion of inequality that feminism is based on. Trump also said that his wife and daughter want more women, the ones he call 'dogs', to see him as the non-misogynist that they do.
However, Mr. Trump realizes that one really cannot praise women more than necessary, not without terrifying consequences though, so he made it a point to complain about Carly Fiorina's 'staccato' voice, and stating that Heidi Klum is 'no longer a 10'.
You do you, Mr. Trump. You do you.