Even Terrorists Need Love: ISIS Opens Marriage Business

by
Lauren Burgoon
The world's most evil terrorists want to take a break from murder to marry.

"ISO: Woman ready to be married. Should consider Al-Qaeda too mainstream. Must be skilled at washing the blood of innocents out of my clothes and OK with a long-distance relationship while I'm off blowing up villages."

The terrorists of ISIS (the Islamic State) are busy creating bloodshed in Iraq and Syria, but they still need some lovin'. The terrorist group opened up a marriage bureau to match militants with brides. 

ISIS opened the office in northern Syria's Aleppo province, where fighting has raged. Eligible women need only provide their name and address and an ISIS fighter will come knocking at the door seeking the woman's hand in marriage, AFP reports

Besides become party to perhaps the world's most evil terror group, the women are also promised honeymoon bus tours across the areas of Iraq and Syria they've pillaged. 

We can just picture that bus ride: "Look, darling, that's where I blew up the Tomb of Jonah! And here's where I executed some teenagers."

ISIS -- which is so awful that even Al-Qaeda has denounced it -- is known for doing things like crucifying their enemies. The group also advocates stoning for "crimes" like adultery, so potential brides, beware.