Thanksgiving will never be the same.
For the eighth and final time, President Barack Obama pardoned two turkeys, Tater and Tots, from the gravy train as part of the White House’s annual Thanksgiving tradition.
The event was tinged with sadness – considering next year we will not have Obama making the nation groan with a barrage of bad puns – but that doesn’t not mean it was dull affair. In fact, some of Obama’s turkey-themed jokes were so awful, they were actually funny.
“Thanksgiving is a family holiday as much as a national one,” the president said from the Rose Garden. “So for the past seven years I’ve established another tradition: embarrassing my daughters with a corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys.”
This year, first daughters Sasha and Malia broke the 7-year tradition and failed to attend the ritual due to a “scheduling conflict.” Instead, the president's young nephews Austin and Aaron Robinson graced the ceremony with their enthusiastic presence and stood by, what Obama called, a “corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys.”
“Actually, they just couldn’t take my jokes anymore. They were fed up,” Obama told the audience explaining why his daughters were absent. “What I haven’t told (my daughters) yet is that we are going to do this every year for now on. No cameras, just us every year. No way I’m cutting this habit cold turkey.”
That was just the beginning.
Here is a list of some merciless groaners from Obama’s last pardoning ceremony:
“(Tater) is sort of like the vice turkey. We're working on getting him a pair of aviator glasses”
Vice President Joe Biden would definitely approve.
“I want to take a moment to recognize the brave turkeys who … met their fate with courage and sacrifice and proved that they weren't chicken”
POTUS: I "recognize the brave turkeys who weren't so lucky who didn't get to ride the gravy train to freedom." https://t.co/3pB7w6F6ou— ABC News (@ABC) November 23, 2016
Suddenly, a child began to cry.
“That's worth gobbling about”
The president spent a major part of his speech discussing his administration’s accomplishments during his two terms in the White House.
“We should also make sure everyone has something to eat on Thanksgiving. Of course, except the turkeys, because they're already stuffed”
That was deep.
“Yes, we cran'’”
“When somebody at your table tells you that you’ve been hogging all the side dishes, you can’t have anymore, I hope you respond with a creed that sums of the spirit of the hungry people: Yes we cran.”
“We're not leaving any room for leftovers”
“I know there are some bad ones in here,” Obama admitted. “But this is the last time I’m doing this, so we’re not leaving any room for leftovers.”
“Tater and Tot will go to their new home at Virginia Tech, which is admittedly a bit hokey”
For those unaware, the Hokies are the mascot for Virginia.
“Everyone knows that Thanksgiving traffic can put people in a fowl mood”
The president concluded the ceremony with a final stab at wordplay.
“And so let’s get on with the pardoning, because it’s Wednesday afternoon and everybody knows that Thanksgiving traffic can put everybody in a foul mood,” he said.
In case you were wondering what the next turkey pardon in the White House would sound like, this might give you some idea.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING to everyone--I love you all, even my many enemies (sometimes!).— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 21, 2012
Happy Thanksgiving to all--even the haters and losers!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 27, 2013
Watch the full ritual below: