Stephen Colbert Gives Dire Warning: Americans Will Gay Marry Their Weed (Video)

by
Owen Poindexter
Stephen Colbert issued a dire warning to this country and its traditional values: Americans are going to start gay marrying their weed.

 
Stephen Colbert issued a dire warning to this country and its traditional values: Americans are going to start gay marrying their weed. With support for both gay marriage and marijuana legalization on the ascent, it's inevitable that soon these two degradations to America will combine into one hot mess.
 
"Oh, I can't help who I am," Colbert mocks, "I was born attracted to watching 7 hours of Planet Earth while eating a sack of croutons."

"But why are we giving up!?" Colbert wails. "It's not like the War on Drugs isn't working." At which point he shows a chart from the Atlantic Wire that really ought to be in non-satirical news: rates of addiction have remained static:

"That might look like the War on Drugs is a waste," Colbert explains, "but if you're high, it looks like a mountain with a stream running out of it."

 

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