Student Facing Assault Charges For Throwing Baby Carrot At Teacher

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A Virginia middle school student is facing charges of assault and battery for what has to be the stupidest reason of all time.

A 14-year-old girl is facing assault and battery charges for playfully throwing a baby carrot at one of her old teachers.

I’m going to write that again, exactly the same way, just to make sure it is really sinking in with you all.

A 14-year-old girl is facing assault and battery charges for playfully throwing a baby carrot at one of her old teachers.

Student Facing Assault Charges For Throwing Baby Carrot At Teacher

According to a story posted Friday morning on wtvr.com, Aliya May saw one of her old teachers walking through the hallway of her Virginia middle school. May made the, admittedly stupid, decision to throw a leftover baby carrot at the teacher.

The carrot struck the teacher in the forehead and from there things elevated to the level of assault and battery charges being thrown around. Also, according to the story, May has not been allowed to attend school for over a month following the incident.

CBS 6 (the local Virginia news station covering the story) legal expert Todd Stone provided his insights on the case and they are understandably hilarious.

"If it's a soft carrot, it may not be as offensive,” Stone said.  “But if it's a raw carrot, you don't have to have an injury or show you were hurt to prove a battery. It just has to be an offensive, vindictive touch. That's what the law says."

Student Facing Assault Charges For Throwing Baby Carrot At Teacher

Stone also provide his prognosis for May’s chances of being convicted on these very serious chargers.

"This could go before a judge and there could be sufficient evidence to find her guilty, but I don't think it's something a judge would want to find her guilty of,” Stone said. “They may offer her counseling, sort of a carrot at the end of a stick."

Besides the fact that Todd Stone just became my hero for dropping that pun into his official statement, this story is a complete travesty.

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The United States prison system is overcrowded and underfunded and it is becoming more, and more so every day.

Frivolous charges like these are a major part of the problem. In May’s case it seems likely that she will avoid any serious punishments, but for many others the story ends very differently.

We have to start holding our laws and accusers up to the same level of scrutiny and judgment that we hold the accused to. If we don’t then they may have to open new prisons just to house all those deadly carrot bandits. 

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