Westboro Baptist Church: "God Sent The Bombs" Because MA Legalized Gay Marriage 9 Years Ago

by
Owen Poindexter
The Westboro Baptist Church, aka, the most offensive people imaginable, are, predictably, at it again in response to the attacks at the Boston Marathon.

Westboro Baptist Church
Members of the Westboro Baptist Church released a statement on who really caused the bombing at the Boston Marathon. PHOTO: JC Wilmore, CC License
 
The Westboro Baptist Church, aka, the most offensive people imaginable, are, predictably, at it again in response to the attacks at the Boston Marathon. First, take a guess, what angle will they take on this one? That it had to have been the gays, because only they would do such a thing? That this was the result of "sorceries?" (The WBC allegedly picketed Whitney Houston's funeral because she was engaged in "sorceries"). That God will strike down the attackers with his favorite weapon (according to the WBC), AIDS?
 
Nope. The Westboro Baptist Church has already completed their investigation into the perpetrator of the heinous crime at the Boston Marathon, and the killer is...

"The Federal Government is classifying the bombs as a terrorist attack, but say it's unclear if it's of a domestic or foreign nature. Here's a hint-- GOD SENT THE BOMBS!!"

God, eh? This is going to be one weird court case. Most people swear in on a Bible. What will God swear in on? What happens when God goes to jail? But wait, the Westboro Church has more to say on this:

"How many more terrifying ways will you have the LORD injure and kill your fellow countrymen because you insist on nation-dooming filthy [gay slur] marriage?"

Alright, let's combine what we know from the government investigation with the "intelligence" from the WBC: God, in response to Massachusetts legalizing same-sex marriage in 2004, got really mad, and stewed on that for nine years. After nine years, God was still super mad that the state of Massachusetts acknowledged the unions of same-sex couples, because God definitely gives a crap about state politics, and so the almighty Lord felt that the best way to deal with this situation was to place two pressure cookers in trash cans, fill them with hard metal objects, and blow them up in a very public and lethal way.

Granted, parts of the Old Testament aren't so far off that sort of thing, but that doesn't mean it makes any sense whatsoever. The Westboro Church does real harm to real people, which is too bad, because otherwise they are endlessly entertaining.

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