Why Sarah Palin Is Really Considering A Senate Run In 2014

Owen Poindexter
Sarah Palin told Sean Hannity that she is considering a run for Senate in 2014. Here's the inside story about what led to her decision.

Sarah Palin is apparently considering a run for Senate in Alaska in 2014. PHOTO: Lonerockalex, CC License

Sarah Palin told Sean Hannity that she is considering a run for Senate in 2014.

"I've considered it because people have requested me considering it," Palin said, when Hannity asked her about entering the 2014 Alaska race to challenge Democrat Mark Begich.

Palin, of course, did not come to consider a 2014 run lightly. Here is what happened just hours before she set the internets ablaze with her senate speculation:


Sarah Palin looked up from her copy of Going Rogue and sighed. Something wasn’t right. Sure, she was still nationally famous. She had an open invitation to appear on any Fox News show. She gave very lucrative speeches on topics from Achievement to Women’s Issues to Terrorism. But after years of adoration, there was something missing. She called her agent.

“Larry,” said Palin, “two weeks ago I called Obama a community organizer in my mockery voice.”

“I’m sure you did, Sarah,” said Larry.

“And no one cared! I didn’t even make the Huffington Post splash!” Palin cried.

“I’m sure the right wing blogs ate it up,” said Larry, as he decided to handle the 6-3 he had just rolled in his game of internet backgammon.

“Well, duh, but no one got angry! The libs didn't even notice!” said Palin.

“You could go on Fox and say you want to start a new party because the Republicans aren’t conservative enough,” Larry tried.

I DID!” shouted Palin, alarming the moose outside her window. “No one batted an eye! I even threw in a line about how we need to be more like Lincoln and Reagan!”

“You mean because today Reagan would get primaried and Lincoln would be a Democrat?” Larry asked.

Palin hung up and let out a frustrated scream. She called ace GOP pollster Frank Luntz.

“Pa-Pa-Pa-Palin!” Luntz answered.

“Frank, how far would I get if I ran for President?”

“December,” said Luntz.

“You mean I would beat everyone in November?” squealed Palin.

“No, I mean December 2015. Your poll numbers would tank after the Iowa Straw Poll. You would make Rubio say awkward things to prove how much he hates Obamacare and that would be your biggest contribution to the field. Sarah, you’re on the Newt Gingrich plan. Pretend like you might run to sell books until people catch on, then actually run.”

“Great!” said Palin. “I’ll start now. I have a book about Christmas isn’t Christmas enough coming out this November.”

“No no no, Pa-Pa-Pa-Palin, you only tease it this early if you’re actually going to run. You start not denying the possibility in summer 2014, not before.”

“But I’m bored now!” said Palin. “Liberals don’t even give a moose turd about what I say.”

And that was the moment Sarah Palin had an idea. She hung up.

“Todd,” she said to her husband, as he appeared from the kitchen with two mugs of hot chocolate. “I’m going to tell Hannity that I might run for Senate in 2014.”

“You want to be a senator?” asked Todd Palin.

“Of course not,” she grinned.

The very next day, Sarah Palin smiled as she saw that Joe Scarborough, Mark Begich and all sorts of liberals were mocking her potential run for Senate. There were speculation stories and top 5 question lists. The lamestream media covered her faux-announcement from coast to coast. All was well.