Brian Wilson Won't Sign With The Yankees Because He Refuses To Shave His Beard

by
Owen Poindexter
Brian Wilson, a.k.a. “The Beard” will not sign with the New York Yankees, because he refuses to stop being “The Beard,” and the Yankees have a strict facial hair policy.

brian wilson, yankees, the beard, facial hair policy
Brian Wilson refuses to sacrifice his famous beard, and so he will not sign with the New York Yankees. PHOTO: Thephatphilmz, CC license

Brian Wilson, a.k.a. “The Beard” will not sign with the New York Yankees, because he refuses to stop being “The Beard.” No, seriously, the Yankees are in the market for a reliever, Wilson, who pitched very well for the Los Angeles Dodgers when he came back from surgery last year, is on the market, but the Yankees have a strict facial hair policy (nothing below the lip), and Brian Wilson has built up an entire persona around his ridiculous hair. Supply and demand is one thing, but facial hair principles will occasionally trump those market forces:

Wilson became “the beard” on the 2010 San Francisco Giants, who also featured “the Freak” (Tim Lincecum) and “Kung Fu Panda” (Pablo Sandoval). Before long, Giants fans began wearing shirts with an outline of Wilson’s beard on the front and “Fear the Beard” on the back. The Beard recorded the final out in the Giants’ 2010 World Series victory over the Texas Rangers.

Now, three years later, Wilson is a free agent, with no particular ties to the Giants. He’s still the Beard, though. Were he to join the Yankees, he’d have to shave, and then he would just be another pretty good relief pitcher. He could try to become the ‘Stache, but it wouldn’t be the same. No, Wilson’s market is large enough that he doesn’t have to compromise his persona or his pocketbook. The Beard will live on, as will the Yankees old-timey facial hair policy, and the two shall never meet.

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