Leaked Final Paper Written By A UNC Athlete Is Hilariously Bad. It Got An A-.

by
Owen Poindexter
The University of North Carolina admitted in January to letting athletes take fake classes. This has been going on since the 90s. Now, a leaked “final paper” shows just how big a sham these classes were.

 

 

Yes, while the rest of us were churning out page after page in an attempt to understand Heidegger or to find the essence of post-Colonial surrealist art, someone got an A- for what could have honestly been written by a ten year-old in half an hour.

For your reading pleasure, here is the Final Paper in its entirety:

On the evening of December Rosa Parks decided that she was going to sit in the white people section on the bus in Montgomery, Alabama. During this time blacks had to give up there seats to whites when more whites got on the bus. Rosa parks refused to give up her seat. Her and the bus driver began to talk and the conversation went like this. "Let me have those front seats" said the driver. She didn't get up and told the driver that she was tired of giving her seat to white people. "I'm going to have you arrested," said the driver. "You may do that," Rosa Parks responded. Two white policemen came in and Rosa Parks asked them "why do you all push us around?" The police officer replied and said "I don't know, but the law is the law and you're under arrest."

 

UNC produces a lot of great basketball teams, but they apparently don’t care if their students can’t use commas, don’t know the difference between “there” and “their,” and have never heard of a line break. They are also fine with papers that show no research, analysis or, well, anything.

UNC deserves a wake-up call of a punishment for this. Like, say, making them ineligible to play in any NCAA tournaments for a year.

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