Invincible Emojis: NSA Cant Pick Up Emojis

May 1, 2014: Turns out know-it-all NSA doesn’t know everything after all.

NSA never sleeps.

The omniscient giant has a firm hold on all information. Everything that comes under its collective nose is sealed into eternity with utmost sophistication courtesy their data-bases. Given the wide geographic location it gets data from, of course the received information is not always in English. However, that’s hardly a problem. Hardly a problem indeed, unless someone uses visual images – in short,emojis.

NSA can’t decipher emojis and that’s not sitting too well with them. It’s funny and ridiculous at the same time. If anyone uses explosion-esque emojis that our smart phones offer,NSA would be unaware. To NSA, these emoji’s come as black squares. Yes, the very squares we get when someone with a cooler phone sends us a message, while we’re making do with our ‘replacement’ phone.

In NSA’s ideal world, if someone sends a text with words like “bomb” “explosion “blow up” they would intercept and start following the sender and recipient to death. But that’s just not possible with emojis. The intricate algorithms that NSA uses to automatically detect threats simply can’t pick up emojis.


Two questions instantly spring to mind:

1.       Why can’t NSA decipher emojis?

2.       Why aren’t they doing something about it?

The answer to the first question is simple.PRISM and other such mass surveillance systems don’t have algorithms that are compatible with the Unicode standard and SoftBank encoded emojis. So, they are automatically transformed into black squares.

As for why NSA isn’t doing something about it, it probably hasn’t occurred to them. It’s easy to see how NSA probably wouldn’t think suspect attacks to be communicated over emojis.

Well, there are enough emojis to communicate a master plan, albeit in a primitive fashion. However, not for long. The pool of emojis is expected to expand, facilitating sophisticated planning via emojis.

Who are we kidding though? It’s only a matter of time before NSA becomes compatible with emojis. Else, it will hire people to do it manually for them.

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