5 Boring Products That Amazon Commenters Had A Field Day With

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Amazon, where you really can buy almost anything at all, is generally a placid realm of the internet. There are real debates and plenty of thoughtful comments in the comment sections, but usually nothing too outrageous. Usually.


Planning on splurging on a 5-pound bag of Haribo gummy bears? Better read the reviews first.

Amazon, where you really can buy almost anything at all, is generally a placid realm of the internet. There are real debates and plenty of thoughtful comments in the comment sections, but usually nothing too outrageous. Usually.

Certain products somehow strike the Amazon sarcasm nerve and commenters descend from all sides to mock a product—sometimes for being bizarre, but just as often for being mundane. For example…

Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon

Well, it wouldn’t be the everything store if you couldn’t get a gallon of milk, would it?

A sad story, told with milk:

And a sampler of some more reviews, just to show you that this rabbit hole goes deep. In fact, all of these product pages are self-contained rabbit holes (with occasional portals to each other).

As wild as milk is bland, we present…

The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee

While the milk provided a story that ended in divorce, the wolves did the exact opposite.

A couple of wolf aficionados chimed in as well.

Now onto a common household item.

BIC Cristal For Her Ball Pen

BIC may regret releasing a “for women” pen (which is apparently slimmer around the middle to suit a lady’s grip).

Not that men can’t enjoy these scribblers as well.

From the very cheap to…less cheap.

Samsung UN85S9 85-Inch 4K Ultra HD 120Hz 3D Smart LED UHDTV

This enormous, pixel-packed smart TV from Samsung can do all the things TVs are supposed to do, and plenty more. It responds to voice control and hand gestures. It has a refresh rate suitable for action movies, sports and even online gamers. It has micro-dimming, whatever that is.

And it’s yours for only $40,000.

And here is one of the great Amazon reviews in that thick rainforest of a website.

Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag

The joke (we hope it’s a joke) here is based on the fact the sweetener in these sugarless gummy bears is lycasin, which, according to the product description, “may cause stomach discomfort and/or a laxative effect.”

That’s one of the tamer ones. If you care to jump down that rabbit hole, well, it’s not a pretty one, but there is some brilliant, if tragic prose within.

There are many many more pages like this, so here’s a quick honorable mention list:

The Denon Dedicated Link Cable, Uranium Ore (?), The Best Of David Hasselhoff, Avery Durable View Binder (a victim of Romney’s “binders full of women” comment), Lobster Mascot Costume, and the inexplicable Parent Child Test Product.

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