The Sunshine State has completely crazy crimes. Here are the 11 best headlines.
Maybe too much sunshine isn't good for the brain. Maybe being near the perpetual happiness machine that is Disney World causes rebellion. Maybe there's something in the oranges.
Whatever the reason, just what is up with criminals in Florida?
Crimes and oddities allegedly committed there are so whacky, so improbable, they sound completely made up. Try "Florida Man Escapes From Prison Custody to Buy Beer; Sneaks Back Before Anyone Notices" or "Florida Man Burns Down House While Cooking Fried Chicken in His Underwear."
These aren't just occasional examples. There is so much random (alleged!) crime committed by Floridians, two Twitter accounts collect crazy headlines that include "Florida Man" or "Florida Woman."
Let's check up on what the good people of Florida get up to with these top 11 classic Florida crime stories from the @_FloridaMan and @_Flor1daWoman Twitter accounts:
11. Florida Man in Women's Underwear Arrested For Shaking Genitals Out Window of Assisted Living Facility
The 81-year-old reportedly flashed passersby from his apartment while wearing a red bra. Rowr!
10. Florida Man Denies Masturbating Naked While Running Back and Forth Across Road, Says He Was Looking For House to Buy
It's really important to know a neighborhood well before you invest in a home, right?
9. Florida Woman Arrested for Doing Naked Yoga on the Highway
It's probably a better idea to find your chi away from four lanes of traffic.
8. Florida Woman Claims Police Made Her Poop on Her Lawn During Meth Bust
.... No comment.
7. Florida Man Sick of Boys Playing on His Lawn, Uses Pepper Spray on Them
When a crank yells, "Stay off my lawn, you darn kids!" it's always better to listen.
6. "I'm Sorry I Killed You," Florida Woman Tells Man Pinned Under Her Car in Check Cashing Store
Say what you will, but at least Floridians are polite.
5. Florida Man Accused of Trying to Break Into Joey Fatone's Former Home While Dressed as Ninja
Watch your back, Chris Kirkpatrick.
4. Florida Man Flees Failed Hold Up; Leaves Job Application With Contact Info, Online Username, Password
It's nice when criminals make detectives' jobs easier.
3. Florida Woman Says She Robbed Daughter's Friend At ATM As 'Joke'
"I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom."
2. Florida Man Facing Two Weeks in Jail for Eating Evidence in Court
As one does.
1. Florida Man Mistakes Girlfriend For Hog, Shoots Her