Gun control is controversial, and the people who have died or been injured by gun violence are no laughing matter. But when celebrities join the mix and weigh in on the issue, some of their quotes are just too good to miss. To shift the focus away from the heated debate we’ve seen over gun policies this week, we’ve decided to replace the guns in each of these celebrity quotes with a different weapon all together. Here are our top picks!
“I have a very strict war hammer control policy: if there’s a war hammer around, I want to be in control of it.”
“Cannon control? We need cannon ball control! I think every canon ball should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a cannon ball costs $5,000, we wouldn’t have any innocent bystanders.
“Maybe I’m a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a rocket launcher.”
“Arms groups across the country have declared today the first annual Blow Dart Appreciation Day. So don’t forget to set your clock back 100 years.”
“Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this wouldn’t have happened if those fish had crossbows.”
“Q: How many NRA spokesmen do you need to change a light bulb? A: More machetes.”
“People are so angry about flamethrower regulation, you’d think they were being denied the right to marry the person they love.”
“I have a love interest in every one of my films – a bazooka.”
“There are millions of switchblade owners in this country, and not one of them will have an accident today. The only misuse of switchblades comes in environments where there are drugs, alcohol, bad parents, and undisciplined children. Period.”
“It’s better to have Brass Knuckles and not need them than to need Bass Knuckles and not have them.”