Honest Tea Finds Out Which State Is Most Honest

by
Owen Poindexter
Honest Tea, which produces iced tea, also does not entirely scientific social experiments. To fit with their branding, Honest Tea decided to answer a question we have all wondered: are mustachioed men in Wisconsin more honest than long-haired, female California blondes?

Honest Tea, which produces iced tea, also does not entirely scientific social experiments. To fit with their branding, Honest Tea decided to answer a question we have all wondered: are mustachioed men in Wisconsin more honest than long-haired, female California blondes? The measure of honesty was provided by 61 Honest Tea kiosks placed around the U.S., with at least one in each state and Washington D.C. The kiosks offered free Honest Tea, and asked people who took a beverage to put $1 in a box on the honor system.

Honest Tea filmed the entire thing and tabulated the results by state, gender and appearance (hair color, length, glasses, sunglasses, etc.). Here are some of the results:

The most honest states: Hawaii and Alabama. 100% of tea drinkers put a dollar in the box.

The least honest: Washington D.C. 20% of tea drinkers declined to leave a dollar and the CEO of Honest Tea’s bike was stolen in D.C. during the course of the experiment.

Biggest individual culprit: some guy in Boston raided the Honest Tea kiosk 13 times, but no Washingtons left his wallet.

You can trust a Midwestern blonde: 100% of blondes in Illinois and Indiana gave a dollar.

A facial hair and glasses analysis of tea-drinking gents conformed almost perfectly to stereotype. From most to least honest: glasses, sunglasses, clean shaven, mustache, goatee/beard, 5 o’clock shadow, but even us shaggy gents were 88% honest. Bald people (90%) are apparently less honest than people with hair and blondes are the most honest (95%).

Because you were definitely wondering, my wife and I are both 93% honest. That sounds perfect to me. Not only are we matched, do you really want your spouse to be 100% honest?

In all seriousness, don't read too much into these results. The methods are driven by a marketing campaign, and everyone knows that Washington D.C. is honest in the residential areas and the area around the capital is filled with filthy liars.

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