Hornets Sting Man To Death Because He Was Having Sex With Their Nest

by
Owen Poindexter
A Swedish man died the way many would like to, having sex, but with the last person/thing anyone with remotely normal tastes would choose to: a hornets' nest. Yeah.

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Hornet stings are painful and hornets are a nuisance even if you do nothing to provoke them. So don't attack their home with the most sensitive part of your body. IMAGE: Jon Sullivan, public domain

A Swedish man died the way many would like to, having sex, but with the last person/thing anyone with remotely normal tastes would choose to: a hornets' nest. Yeah.

The man was known simply as Hasse (though now he will be immortalized as the guy who died having sex with a hornets' nest), he was 35 and he lived on a farm outside Ystad. And he, apparently, needed a little excitement in his life. He was found by his neighbor with 146 stings, including 54 where the sun don't shine. The neighbor said that Hasse was so swollen he initially mistook him for a whale carcass, which apparently show up occasionally on Swedish farms. 
 
The neighbor, Bertil Stahfraas, was alarmed, emotionally shaken and not bothering to specify if his words referred to his own emotional state or Hasse's nether regions (third sentence):
 
"I have never in my life seen such a swollen pelvic bone. It hid the whole package [and] the scrotum was enlarged. Right now it feels heavy and unreal. We did not talk very often, but he was still my neighbor."
 
Hasse left (ahem) evidence of his final act on the hornets' nets and several of its inhabitants.
 
One final kicker: hornet stings, even in these ferocious quantities are generally not fatal...unless the victim is allergic to hornet venom. So, this wasn't just a worse idea than most people are capable of thinking of, it was especially bad for the guy doing it.
 
RIP Hasse. May your funeral be hilariously awkward and may you find yourself in an afterlife more accommodating to your needs.
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