Why anyone would want kittens delivered to their office is beyond our comprehension, but to each their own, I suppose. (Image Source: Flickr: Mathias Erhart)
National Cat Day is apparently upon us, even though this is likely a new holiday recently added by people who make cat memes, which in turn we suspect will be used by our grandchildren as education tools (including the GIFs. Especially the GIFs). There are ways to celebrate such object-based holidays, particularly for charity: National Pancake Day has free pancakes at IHOP, for example. In the case of National Cat Day, private-taxi-for-hire service Uber (not to be confused with Lyft...they're the ones with the stupid pink mustaches on the grilles) is working jointly with the ASPCA (an animal-rights organization and shelter network that we promise is 10x better than PETA) and the CheezBurger Network (origin of most cat memes, and every other meme that you likely hate) to deliver kittens to offices and homes in San Francisco, New York City, and Seattle. People can even adopt said kittens, if they want, though it is not included.
The process of having said kittens delivered to the office or apartment essentially works by using the Uber app, which is the basis of the entire company's vehicle-for-hire service. Users of the Uber app would pay $20 for 15 minutes of snuggling time (a ripoff, I dare say) with kittens, and the kittens would be delivered in a short time. From there, users can do whatever they want with the kittens (save nasty or mean things, though they can be a nasty bunch to begin with). Riding shotgun with the Uber driver and the kittens is a representative from the local ASPCA.
Of course, if for some reason people
are infected with the parasites that cats carry that make people crazy and
want the kittens, the ASPCA is there for the distinct purpose of working out the details of adopting the kittens, as well as what the kitten needs before it can be brought to a new home or office (such as vaccinations, among other things). In fact, the $20 is a loss lead for Uber: All the money goes directly to the ASPCA in operating and maintaining their shelters, where the cats watch bird videos for reasons I cannot understand.
The kitten delivery service will continue until 4 PM local time in all three cities. Additionally, Ace of Cakes will providing free delicious cupcakes, which is probably the only reason I would allow for a kitten delivery service to come anywhere near I am. In any event, for those of you who prefer puppies and/or ducklings, here is a puppy being chased by a duckling.
That's more like it.