Stephen Merchant Imagines If Britain Won The War

by
Lauren Burgoon
Comedian Stephen Merchant imagines how great America would be if Britain won the Revolutionary War.

With red, white and blue popping up everywhere as the Fourth of July approaches, British comedian Stephen Merchant has a rather interesting question for the Yanks.

What if Britain won the Revolutionary War? 

Would the U.S. be a land without the stars and stripes, without baseball and apple pie and without -- gulp -- Chuck Norris? It's all too awful to think about.

Merchant doesn't think so. In fact, he's plain tired of Americans rubbing it in Brits' noses with the Fourth.

"That's like your girlfriend breaking up with you and then celebrating with fireworks -- every year. For 300 years," Merchant says. "It gets my goat."

Check out his vision for an America under British rule, if only to hear the amazing array of swear words we'd have at our disposal. It's fantastic, but to Merchant's argument the U.S. would be better off, we have to say: Piss off, you daft wanker.