Thief Returns Bike With Hilarious Note & Excellent Gift

by
Owen Poindexter
Someone out there had their bike un-stolen with a bonus pastry thrown in. And I don't mean recovered, I mean un-stolen. Check out this note left on a returned bike, three days after it was pilfered.

Getting your bike stolen sucks. There are few worse feelings in the world than the two-fisted punch of losing your bike and some of your faith in humanity. Given all that, it must feel amazing to have your bike un-stolen with a bonus pastry thrown in. And I don't mean recovered, I mean un-stolen. Check out this note (2nd slide) left on a returned bike, three days after it was pilfered.

 
 
There is a lot I love about this note: the thief specified that the girl he or she was bringing home was straight and white, because bringing home a lesbian wouldn't have been a worthy reason to "borrow" a stranger's bike. I also love that he or she refers to him/herself as "bike thief" but in the note, the verb phrase is "borrowed without asking." Also, the description of the ride: "lusciously smooth if I remember correctly." That memory might be wrong, but hey, it's a great memory.
 
Lastly the gift: first of all, the instinct to leave a gift is spot on. You don't do that, and the whole experience is a net-negative for the bike owner, so a peace offering is in order. I've never had a Dominoes lava cake, but it's an excellent choice. Decadent and hilariously specific. Nothing says I'm sorry I borrowed your bike so I could take home a straight girl like a Dominoes lava cake.
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