Toronto Blue Jays Officer Who Arrested Man Who Ran On Field Writes Best Arrest Report Ever

by
Owen Poindexter
A Toronto Blue Jays fan ran onto the field in the middle of a game...and the result was an amazing arrest report from the officer who nabbed him.

blue jays, toronto blue jays
Joseph Blackwell, his arresting officer and his attorney provided the most excitement Toronto Blue Jays fans have had all year.

The Toronto Blue Jays went all in on 2013, trading for Jose Reyes, Josh Johnson, Mark Buehrle and giving up the farm for R.A. Dickey. They signed Melky Cabrera. They looked ready to barnstorm the A.L. East as the best among four other talented but flawed teams. Instead, at the time of writing they sit in last place in their division, where they will remain until the season mercifully ends.

These days, the Blue Jays’ players don’t make news, but their fans and security officers do. A fan, Joseph Blackwell, ran onto the field at a recent contest between the Blue Jays and Seattle Mariners. The man was arrested, and the arresting officer filed this report, which may go down as one of the finest arrest reports known to the internet (the game was actually in May, but the report was only just dug up by the Blue Jays blog, Drunk Jays Fan):

“On May 5, 2013 at approximately 3:18 PM the Toronto Blue jays were surprisingly winning against the underrated Seattle Marriners. Our hapless Jays limped along to the bottom of the 8th inning. At one point, the Jays were considered World Series contenders. One can almost forgive the accused for his below described actions.

Luckily, the accused ran onto the field from level 100 and wasn’t forced to jump from the 500 level out of sheer frustration.

In any event, the accused before the court, Joseph [Redacted], in what can only be described as an attempt to inject some kind of spark in our listless Jays, ran onto the field “interrupting” the game, giving jays fans a brief respite from their season long agony.

The accused was subsequently placed under arrest to applause, transported to 52 Division where he was released on a Form 10/11.1.”

In just a few short paragraphs, Canadians uphold their reputation for being good-humored, empathetic people, and the Blue Jays can say that the best thing that happened to them this season was an arrest report.

But wait, there's more! Blackwell's attorney penned an amazing letter in the same vein arguing in Blackwell's defense, and somehow comparing him to both Hamlet and Gandhi.

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